Gratitude is the opposite of anxiety

Hi, Reader. Welcome back to the Delightful Diaries, my Monday recap series where I wax poetic about the last week of my life. I wouldn’t say I love sitting down every week to take stock of the last week of my life, especially when there’s no clear conclusion to be made. It’s not as gratifying to reflect when you have to sweat a little before it starts making sense. So this week’s topic is gratitude and self care, and how I’ve been refocusing on both. 

Every week, I feel more and more like the universe wants me to know we only have one foot in “fall.” I’m so desperate, I’m turning the anticipation inward. Why am I so concerned about the seasons turning? It’s literally weather. It’s like, trees. Is this really something I should be spending precious brain power waiting for? Is this about shopping? Does my inner child need a snack? Do I just hate waiting? Am I secretly a nature girl? (Kinda.) 

A few weeks ago, I made some general statements about why this transition draws so much of my attention. You know, fall = death, duh. 

Today: a deeper dive into the Autumnal Existential Crisis. But first, a look into its natural counterpart, Spring Starting Line Anxiety. 

Seasonal Parallels to Explain My Anxiety, Because Obviously

Spring is my worst season. Year after year, it’s when I get the sickest, most stressed, and most anxious, especially to fast forward to the objectively best season (summer). In recent years, I’ve leaned into that, happily considering them “time to prepare for the season that matters up ahead.” This works for me and remains my favorite way to conceptualize these “flyover seasons.” (I’m in the Midwest, so I’m allowed to say that.) Therefore, springtime becomes “time to plan vacations, let my swimwear addiction run amok, and brush up on mocktail recipes.” But, in the spring, you’re looking forward to something good.

In the fall, you’re looking forward to… um, death. 

…A narrative that doesn’t fit my reality very well, because my last couple of winters have been wonderful! I developed amazing relationships and learned new recipes, found real joy in strength training, and created priceless memories with my friends and family. I broke new ground in my relationships with my family, something I’ve worked hard on for years. I gave and received gifts that mean the world to me. I I healed in ways I never thought possible. I have felt a profound and unprecedented peace with myself and with others. I’ve hit tons of fitness goals, learned so much about my body. I’ve fallen in love. This past winter, I even launched a business. And all that while being ghosted by the sun.

Which got me thinking this week… what am I missing here? What’s all the anxiety about? As I considered what could be behind my racing heart and worsening sleep, I remembered a delicate connection that I’ve been neglecting recently: gratitude and self-care. Beyond that, I could sense that beneath my fear of the future was the fear of my past. Of returning to where I’ve been. Of the self-harm I committed through my eating disorder. Of decisions I made knowing they were wrong, and ones that hurt others even though I thought they were right. Neglectful, unkind partners I chose to stand beside despite the red flag factories. Friendships that dissolved without so much as a conversation. These things live on through my anxiety. What to do?

---

What am I missing here? What’s all the anxiety about? As I considered what could be behind my racing heart and worsening sleep, I remembered a delicate connection that I’ve been neglecting recently – gratitude as self-care. 

---

It’s not always intuitive to think that appreciation for something or someone else is a form of self-care, especially not one that directly tackles anxiety. But gratitude is the opposite of anxiety. If anxiety is the physical experience of worrying about the future, fueled by the memory of past disappointments, gratitude is the force that tackles the problem at its root. Right in the kneecaps of your worst fucking moments.

To offset the anxiety slump, I sat down this week to practice a little gratitude and self-care. Gratitude AS self-care, let’s say. It can blow your mind how much there is to appreciate once you intentionally seek reasons to be grateful. The most powerful way to do this, in my opinion, is to seriously contemplate your anxiety fuel and scrounge out one little thing to appreciate about it.

For example, I sometimes consider my many ain’t shit exes and remind myself that if I hadn’t met those people, I might not be as confident in my values as I am now. Even in poor relationships, I’ve found ways to conduct myself in ways I’m proud of. Without that army of weirdos, I wouldn’t have had an opportunity to rise to the occasion and do what was best for me (leaving). I also wouldn’t have had the pleasure of knowing “life after X or Y.” By that, I mean I’d never feel the satisfaction I feel now, knowing that I moved so far forward once I freed myself from those relationships. Suddenly, time wasted on an ain’t shit ex becomes time well spent. A necessary obstacle to gain strength and knowledge, just like lifting weights or tackling difficult subject matter in school.

This also isn’t about letting the ain’t shit exes win, nor is it about forgiveness. Personally, I don’t care about forgiveness. I don’t know what practical purpose it serves. I’m more interested in the total neutralization of my bad memories, where forgiveness is no longer a factor. In my opinion, the ultimate “stick it to ’em” is to have zero emotional response when I remember those people. When I hold both truths in my hands – this person was awful and I got something valuable out that experience – those past experiences truly hold zero power over me.

---

Finding a reason to be grateful always brings inner peace. Often, all you need is a moment of appreciation to ground yourself back into the present. That’s the power of gratitude and self care.

---

It can feel counterintuitive and just plain wrong to find a positive in a negative, but that’s only the beginning of a new thinking pattern forming. Adjusting our day-to-day thoughts and feelings has to start somewhere. It can be a long process, but seeking gratitude is both a skill and a habit that becomes more instinctive over time. If there’s one thing I’ve learned so far in life, it’s that my (and your, and everyone’s) thoughts are the single most powerful force on this earth. I’m only thirty, so I’m counting on more invaluable life lessons, but that one is going to be hard to top.

The point isn’t to turn your worst moments into learning experiences, or to start seeing yourself as a product of your troubles. The point is that when you find something to appreciate about your lowest days, you’re taking back control of the narrative. Suddenly, you don’t have to feel as resentful or angry toward the past. If you can find even one reason to appreciate something that causes you grief, you start chipping away at the mindset that keeps you uncertain and fearful. Gratitude has endless benefits, but this is the one that I get maximum mileage out of.

When I forget to intentionally experience gratitude, it’s easy to slip into uncertainty about the future, even if everything is going right. Which… it kind of is, I’m not going to lie. Could just be my positive mindset talking, but when I look around, I have no tangible reason to be in such a state of uncertainty. And even if I did, I have evidence from my past that finding a reason to be grateful always brings inner peace. Often, all you need is a moment of appreciation to ground yourself back into the present. That’s the power of gratitude and self care.

Even though it isn’t the point, the truth is that your worst moments are learning experiences, and you always have a clear path forward in nudging your life in the opposite direction of your lows. Gratitude and self care just fast track the neutralization process. Life is chaos, and we spend way too much time painting that chaos in a negative light. The positive one is often just as outlandish, and always more fun. And it’s like I’m always saying… above all, life is supposed to be fun. Delightful, even.

Trying to create your dream life? Read this.

ISO delight, but not sure where to start. Delight 101 has the answers.